Life consists of so much more than the physical world; even though we cannot “see” it, we are connected to one another on an energetic and emotional level. Each time we interact with another we make an exchange on the more subtle levels of our being and even after we physically separate from the other, energetic and emotional ties remain. Energetic cords are not restricted by space or time, so you can be connected to someone far away, a person from your past, or someone who is no longer living.
An emotional or energetic tie is a structure of energy between two people which causes patterns from the past to constantly be re-lived. These ties are often referred to as cords of attachment because they are an open channel between you and another person which energy and emotions flow without your conscious knowledge. You are literally “attached” to each other on a subtle level.
While it is necessary to have some ties in every relationship, it is important to differentiate between the beneficial ties and the destructive ties. Every day we exchange energy with friends, partners, parents, children, siblings, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances. In these interactions there are bound to be instances where we may feel hurt, misunderstood, betrayed, judged, or insulted. We are often not aware of how much energy we spend on these experiences which may ignite emotions such as fear, anger, or resentment. If we do not resolve and forgive these moments, we continually leak energy to these incidents and keep negative patterns alive.
We are not conscious of these ties and for this reason negative patterns in relationships tend to repeat themselves constantly. A good way to tell if you are still energetically and emotionally tied to a person or situation is to think of the person involved, and if an emotion arises, it shows that some of your energy is still invested there. Another indication that you are losing energy through a cord of attachment is to be aware of your energy levels after interacting with another. If you feel drained for a few hours after spending time with someone, it shows that your energy has “leaked” outward. Also, it is important to pay attention to any changes in your moods. Do you always feel angry around a particular person and you do not know why? All these are indicative of any unhealthy connection.
Cords are formed on a subconscious level, usually through one’s need for control, strength or manipulation. Cutting these energetic ties is a helpful thing to do to clear past experiences, beliefs, resentments, and judgments. Cutting ties allows us to remove old patterns and stop reliving dramas with other people.
Cord cutting does not sever the relationship (unless that is the intent), rather, it puts the relationship back on a healthy path. By cutting out old, negative energies, we allow space for new, more harmonious energies to enter those relationships. When you cut energetic ties, you will feel a sense of being free or of having a heavy burden removed. Effects may be felt physically, energetically, or emotionally.
You may want to cut cords in the following situations:
- There is someone in your life that you no longer want in your life. (Depending on your relationship with this person you may need to also verbally express your wish to cease interactions with them).
- After the ending of a relationship when you feel the ties may stop you from moving forward in your life, or you just have difficulty letting go.
- When you have had a major change in a relationship, and you want to change old patterns or ways of interacting with someone.
- In current relationships where you wish to maintain the relationship but feel there are unhealthy aspects which need to be cut.
- Anytime you are transitioning to a new stage or phase of your life and you feel there are things you need to let go of.
An Exercise for Cutting Energetic and Emotional Ties
The visualization process below is a tool that you can use to set the intention that you are no longer willing to lose your energy in this way. It opens the door to letting go, and allows you to get rid of all the thoughts, beliefs, and judgments, that are holding back or tainting a relationship which could develop into something much more productive.
Cords can also exists between you and material objects or possessions. The following exercise can be adapted for instances where you feel your attachment to an object is unhealthy or holding you back in some way.
If possible, take a break from being around that person before you perform the exercise. This will allow for greater detachment and discernment on your part.
Become aware of what the connection with the person is about. Is the relationship based on love, acceptance, and support or is it based on fear, security, and need? Is the relationship contributing to your greater good as well as the greater good of the other person? Have the lessons from this relationship been learned and it is now time to move on?
It is also important to have awareness of how these cords got formed in the first place. What was your part in allowing the negative emotion and energy to develop between yourself and the other?
Before cutting take a moment to acknowledge the relationship. If it is with a person you wish to remove from your life completely, think of how that relationship positively influenced your life, any lessons you may have learned, and what you are allowing into your life by cutting your connection with this person.
Method for Cutting Ties
1. Relax. Get into a comfortable position, either sitting or laying down. Close your eyes and relax by taking a few deep breaths.
2. Visualize the other person and the cords. Visualize as clearly as possible, the person with whom you wish to cut an energetic tie. See and feel the cords that exist between the two of you. Take as much time as you need to be able to sense the cords. It is up to you how these cords look. Some people visualize cords as ropes, chains, or electrical cords. To some these cords may look like an umbilical cord, others may use the visualization of a more subtle cord made of light. There is no wrong way to visualize.
Keep in mind also that these cords may look different as you perform this exercise with different people later on. This is normal; the cords symbolize the degree of your attachments, and you will intuitively see the level of attachment in your visualizations. Some attachments may be more like thin threads, where others could be very thick and sturdy.
3. Visualize cutting or severing these cords. There are many different visualizations one can use for cutting ties. Some envision golden scissors snipping the ties or a white sword severing the ties, others may “unplug” the cords. Let yourself be creative and use what works for you. Some cords may be more solid than others and will take more energy and stronger tools to cut. Make sure you have visualized and felt that the ties were cut completely.
When cutting it is important to send love while you are performing the separation. This will help heal any possible “wounds” from the separation.
4. Completion. You may feel that you need to take additional steps to feel this exercise is complete. Use whatever visualization or techniques that give you a sense that the cutting is complete. You may find it helpful to complete by visualizing a wall between the two of you. Alternatively, you can visualize the two of you in an infinity sign or a figure eight, where each of you is in a separate circle. By then cutting the figure eight in the middle the circles are separated, and you can visualize the other person in their circle floating off in the distance.
5. Awareness and Healing. Take a few moments to relax after the exercise. Give yourself time to become aware of any effects you may be feeling. You may want to envision healing energy around the areas where you cut the cords, especially if it was a very difficult person or situation you were cutting.
6. Ongoing Awareness. Keep awareness in your future interactions with that person. It is important to establish healthy patterns of interacting with that person from now on otherwise you may fall into the same negative patterns which you just cut.
Often one session is enough, but sometimes you may need to repeat the exercise a few times before you feel the energy has been released. Do this exercise daily until you feel the energy has been released.
When we cut ties and energetically remove ourselves from energy draining situations, a period of adjustment is to be expected. Even though it is beneficial, like any change it can be uncomfortable. Remember that you will know that you have cut the cords between yourself and the other person, but they will not. The other person will probably feel that the energy has changed, but will not be able to explain it. Have awareness and allow time for the energy to rebalance in the relationship.
Be aware that the person who has been cut may feel a sense of loss and try to reach out to you. If your wish is not to reconnect with this person, then allow adequate time for them to adjust.
Be aware that by doing this work, the relationships involved may change in ways that you may not have anticipated. Some relationships may become closer and others can become more distant. The outcome may not be what you were hoping for, but have trust. Most often what our ego wants is not actually what is best for us.
Reclaiming Your Energy as a Daily Practice
Every time we interact with another there are emotional and energetic responses. It is important to become more aware of how your energy changes throughout each day. Did you go from open and loving, to closed and withdrawn, or angry and bitter after interacting with another? Also, check your thoughts. Do you find yourself drifting to the past or the future or constantly dwelling particular person? These are all indications that your energy is not centered within yourself, and you are “leaking” it.
Taking a few moments now and then to bring your awareness inward can help reduce the amount of energy lost to outside circumstances.
To minimize the amount of energy lost throughout your day you can make a habit out of cutting ties after seeing, speaking, or writing to another, by performing a simplified version of cord cutting after your various daily interactions. Each of us has a different level of sensitivity, so it is up to you how often you cut ties or after which type of interactions you need to cut ties. Some of us are easily affected by simple interactions while others are only affected by interactions with those who are closest to them.
A quick cord cutting needs to be nothing more than simply visualizing a sword sweeping quickly down the front and the back of your body after each interaction. This will cut any energetic cords that may have been left behind from that interaction. With regular practice it will become an instinctual habit to leave each interaction energetically free.
You can also cut all your ties from the day in one session before you go to bed at night. Spend a few moments recalling the people you interacted with that day and cut the ties with each of them. This will clear any energetic baggage that may have accumulated throughout the day.
These “quickie” methods are meant for very simple situations or newly formed ties. A quick cut may not be enough to release deep, long felt emotional and energetic ties to a person or a situation. For such circumstances, perform the full method. Think of this shortened version as nothing more but a tool to increase your daily awareness of your emotional and energetic connections to others.
Remember to Focus on the Positive
Even more important than looking for negative connections in your life is to concentrate on the positive connections. First, you will see that learning to recognize the healthy and nurturing connections in your life will make it easier for you to identify when a connection with someone is unhealthy or depleting. But more importantly, by the law of resonance the more you focus on the positive connections in your life, the more of these connections you will attract. You may even find that by focusing on the positive aspects, some of the negative ties in your relationships will disintegrate by themselves.
Resources and Related Readings:
- Colleen Deatsman, Energy for Life: Connect with the Source
- Phyllis Krystal,Cutting the Ties That Bind: Growing Up and Moving On
- Caroline Myss, Energy Anatomy
- Barbara Ann Brennan, Hands of Light: A Guide to Healing Through the Human Energy Field
- www.angelsbymyside.com, Protecting Your Energy
Photo: Gino Santa Maria