As the summer transitioned into autumn, I found myself falling into a bit of a slump. I was struggling over where I stood regarding my Expressive Arts Degree; it was difficult to get myself motivated, and I questioned whether I should stay with it or not. This came as quite of a surprise because I was so in love with my chosen path just a few months earlier. Spending July at EGS was one of the most inspiring things I’d ever done. I felt calm and grounded, yet excited and challenged at the same time. It was very fulfilling to be immersed in the expressive arts every day and surround by like-minded people, all while being held and inspired by the abundant beauty of the landscape. [Read more…]
As my friend Tara and I sat waiting in the hospital the other day, I noticed a man hobbling by on crutches. Trying not to sound too uncompassionate I expressed how nice it has been not to have needed crutches for such a long time. There was a period of a couple of years where both Tara and I were on and off crutches a number of times. Luckily our injuries never occurred at the same time, so we could at least help each other when others failed to show up for the task. We reminisced a bit about the struggles and pains of being immobilized. We sighed in relief that we both had two working feet.
I bought myself a small bouquet of lilies yesterday, an apologetic token for not being there for myself lately. Throughout life, but particularly during the last few years, I’ve learned that at the end of the day, the only person truly invested in my well-being is me. So why did I neglect myself lately? Because it’s the first time in a long time since I’ve tried to be in an intimate relationship with someone else. I’m not used to balancing my time with someone else in mind because I’ve been single for the last two years. I needed that time to focus on healing my body and my spirit from the effects of a difficult run with cancer. I also didn’t feel ready to jump back into something; I need to get into the habit of loving myself more before I could even think of being in another relationship.
In my previous relationships, meeting my needs usually took a back seat to the needs of the other. This is a pattern I noticed in myself, but I thought that since I had cultivated a considerable amount of self-love in these past years, I would not fall back into it. Well, unfortunately, in the short time that I have been with someone else, my pattern of giving in to what the other person wants, even when I know I shouldn’t, has shown up. [Read more…]
Recently I spent a week at “The Haven”, a retreat centre located on Gabriola Island. Gabriola is one of the Gulf islands nestled between the mainland and Vancouver Island. I love getting away to the islands for any reason; they are magical to me because anytime I visit one something shifts in my life. The Haven itself is a magical place. A place where people gather to improve themselves and the way they relate to others in this world. [Read more…]