I bought myself a small bouquet of lilies yesterday, an apologetic token for not being there for myself lately. Throughout life, but particularly during the last few years, I’ve learned that at the end of the day, the only person truly invested in my well-being is me. So why did I neglect myself lately? Because it’s the first time in a long time since I’ve tried to be in an intimate relationship with someone else. I’m not used to balancing my time with someone else in mind because I’ve been single for the last two years. I needed that time to focus on healing my body and my spirit from the effects of a difficult run with cancer. I also didn’t feel ready to jump back into something; I need to get into the habit of loving myself more before I could even think of being in another relationship.
In my previous relationships, meeting my needs usually took a back seat to the needs of the other. This is a pattern I noticed in myself, but I thought that since I had cultivated a considerable amount of self-love in these past years, I would not fall back into it. Well, unfortunately, in the short time that I have been with someone else, my pattern of giving in to what the other person wants, even when I know I shouldn’t, has shown up. [Read more…]