A number of years ago I went through a phase where I was craving an NDE (near-death experience). I did not want to leave my body permanently, but there was a desire to have more understanding about life and death, and I thought the best way to gain more understanding would be to actually have the experience of dying. I had read about near-death experiences and noticed that those who came back had a refreshed outlook on life, felt more spiritually awakened, lived life with more awareness, had a greater sense of purpose, and no longer feared death. [Read more…]
I don’t know where the time has gone – today marks four years since I was officially diagnosed with Lymphoma. At that time, I was told I could recover in six months; I thought that seemed like a dreadfully long recovery, yet here I am… four years later, still in this situation. It’s not the same situation though, life has changed – I have changed.
Usually, I don’t think much about it; in past years, this day has come and gone without much acknowledgment on my part. I’m thinking more about it this year, perhaps because now I can actually see an end to it. It’s not that I wasn’t positive or hopeful before, I was, but something feels different this year. It’s more than hope or a positive outlook; I feel the confidence in myself to finally get through this. I have witnessed myself get through everything until this point, and reflecting back on what I have pulled myself through so far, the rest just seems easy now; it’s quite a contrast to the impossible endeavor it once seemed. I also feel like I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been. I feel able to do what I need to do in order to move on with my life – or, perhaps I should say that I am ready to move on with my life; it’s become apparent that I wasn’t ready before. [Read more…]
As my friend Tara and I sat waiting in the hospital the other day, I noticed a man hobbling by on crutches. Trying not to sound too uncompassionate I expressed how nice it has been not to have needed crutches for such a long time. There was a period of a couple of years where both Tara and I were on and off crutches a number of times. Luckily our injuries never occurred at the same time, so we could at least help each other when others failed to show up for the task. We reminisced a bit about the struggles and pains of being immobilized. We sighed in relief that we both had two working feet.
My body has been through so much, and I often find myself astonished at how strong it still is. I should be not only content, but very proud of what it can do, yet I find myself at times, feeling like it just isn’t enough. Most days I feel fantastic, and I can accomplish whatever physical task I set out to do. Two years ago I was grateful to just wake up alive, now I take waking up for granted, and feel I must perform some kind of physical feat in the day to be happy in my body. [Read more…]